Sunday, February 9, 2014

VINTAGE RECIPE CARDS: THE SALMONUMENT

Here is another Betty Crocker vintage recipe card from a 1971 collection I found at a yard sale. The first time I flipped through the cards in this series, I thought this was a recipe for strawberry shortcake. Something wrong registered in the back of my mind, though, and it kept itching in my brain all day until I went back to the recipe card and noticed the olive totem on the top and the raw broccoli floret laid on the plate like a carnation on a grave. I finally checked the title... "Crusty Salmon Shortcakes" and I literally gulped.


Let me tell you what Crusty Salmon Shortcake is. It's a split Bisquick roll smeared with a chunky slop made of olives, pimiento, milk, condensed cream-of-mushroom soup, Worcester sauce, and canned salmon. And as wrong as this ingredient mix already sounds, with its bastardized b├ęchamel and the completely avoidable Worcester sauce, we all know it's really the canned salmon that takes this "Impromptu Party Fare" to the next level down.

I have very little to say to this. I can imagine its grittiness, its clash of cheap flavors, its useless saltiness, and I get depressed. I can only see this as a mini ziggurat of 70s culinary confusion, a monument to ill-advised shortcuts. Let's throw some more broccoli at this, huddle ourselves in our raincoats, and walk away.


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