Drive Your Italian Hosts Crazy #1: Disrespecting Mealtimes

The rest of of the world views Italy as a weirdly-shaped peninsula whose inhabitants live without the least concern for rules, responsibility, or noise levels. As an Italian, I must admit that is exactly how we see ourselves, and proudly, too.

Do you want to know the truth, though? Everybody is wrong. Italian behavior is actually regulated by a myriad of rules concerning each and every aspect of life. The words we say when we enter or leave a store, the body language we use on a crowded bus, the formalities in making a phone call before dinnertime, the good wishes we express to a friend: All need to follow specific and accepted ways, and any variation will most certainly cause an anxiety attack. The only reason we still consider ourselves adorable anarchists is that all of these rules are unspoken, and we discover their depth only when we live abroad for more than two years (FACT).

In this series, I'll go through some of these unspoken rules so that you, my American friends, can learn to understand our panic and, if you care, prevent it.

Rule #1: Italians eat only at mealtimes. 

This seems normal enough, but what I really mean is that Italians do not deal well with the idea of a lunch or dinner that does not happen at designated times. Here are sample mealtimes for Northern Italians*:

TIME	ITALIAN MEAL
7—8am	Breakfast
12—1:30pm	Lunch
4pm	Snack (only for kids, really)
7—9pm	Dinner

What happens when an American comes to visit, though? Well, let me tell you about my personal experience with yet another handy table:

TIME	ITALIAN MEAL	AMERICAN GUEST	ITALIAN HOST
7—8am	Breakfast	Drinks an espresso.	Drinks an espresso, eats a small breakfast.
10am	(Not a mealtime)	Asks for a second espresso and a ham sandwich.	Drinks espresso, orders small sandwich, fears lunch appetite is ruined.
12—1:30pm	Lunch	Refuses lunch, prefers sightseeing.	Represses hunger pains, dreams about pasta.
4pm	Snack	Asks for a snack, preferably savory and local. Or, massive gelato.	Eats small gelato, fears dinner appetite is ruined.
7—9pm	Dinner	Takes shower.	Feels moderate hunger pains, wonders when dinner might be.
9:30pm	(Not a mealtime)	Demands a pizza and has plans for wine, appetizers, and dessert, too.	Eats a Margherita, pleads with waiter to delay mopping the floor with bleach until drunken guest is done with frozen tiramisu.

As you can see, the natural Italian sense of hospitality allows our American guests to have his or her own dream vacation—which is actually a total mirage—while the Italian host's metabolism and emotional wellbeing become severely compromised. It's a failure on all fronts.

So, my suggestion is: Let your hosts be the guide of your meals and do not trust them when they politely ask what you would like to eat. You don't know what you want. They do.

*Geography affects mealtimes considerably. In the Austrian Alps, it is common for restaurant kitchens to close at 8:30pm ON A WEEKEND, whereas in happy Sicily dinner may not happen before 10pm. I'm from Venice, so I'll write about what I know.

Perfect Pasta: Dead Chef's Technique

As promised, here's my almost-magic technique for cooking perfect pasta... so perfect you can serve it to your Italian guests without fear of silent judgement or, God forbid, tears.

I personally* developed this technique over 10 years ago, and it has made such a difference in the pasta I eat at home it's almost ludicrous. The pasta ends up perfectly cooked and absorbs the sauce's flavor in a way that does not happen through simple sautéing. Plus, you get a slight creaminess that just makes the whole dish look and taste almost professional. I'm boasting, I know. But I'm also drooling, so you know I'm sincere.

First things first: If you haven't, read this post to learn about the correct amount of pasta, water, and salt for your recipe: American Pasta: 11 Ways You're Doing It Wrong. You have to know the basics, right? Done? LET'S DO IT!

Note: The recipe here is simple whole-wheat penne** with tomatoes, black cured olives, and mozzarella. What you'll see is two Italian portions, enough for a quick lunch for me and my 2-year-old.

DEAD CHEF'S TECHNIQUE FOR PERFECT PASTA

1. Cook or reheat your sauce in a large pan while the water is boiling or the pasta is cooking, depending on how long it takes.

2. Boil the pasta in salted water (really, salt it!), and taste it 1–2 min before it's supposed to be ready. When you see the "soul" of the pasta (or the tiny white ringlet of uncooked-ness), move to the next step.

3. Pour one full ladle of cooking water into a cup and set aside.

4. Drain the pasta and pour it in the pan with the sauce, stir, and keep cooking at medium heat.

5. Add a splash (I'd say a few tablespoons) of the reserved pasta water and stir gently until the water has been absorbed.

6. Keeping adding water to the pasta and letting it absorb until the pasta is perfectly cooked and still al dente. You don't have to use the whole cup, and in my experience 2–3 rounds will do. How do you know it's ready? TASTE IT.

RESULT: Here is the finished pasta. I added some mozzarella at the very end so it would stay firm and not melt into a single squeaky block. Notice the pasta's color: you can see it has absorbed the juices from the olive oil, the tomatoes, and the black olives.

N.A.Q. (Never Asked Questions)

Gratuitous close-up.

I don't have a list of F.A.Q. because I just published this, but I know what you all might wonder...

WHAT DOES THIS DO? I have no scientific insight on the matter, but I think the salt and starch in the cooking water allows the pasta to absorb the sauce better. What I do know, is that the starch in the water will thicken into a creamy sheen that will prevent your pasta from drying out. 

I FORGOT TO RESERVE THE PASTA WATER. CAN I USE HOT WATER OR BROTH? No, I tried and they don't work. They simply dilute the flavor and the broth also alters it too much. Finally, neither created the creaminess I obtained with the pasta water. (Please note that whole-wheat pasta will be less creamy, but not less flavorful.)

IS THIS THE RISOTTO-STYLE TECHNIQUE FOR PASTA I READ ABOUT? No, because in that case the pasta is cooked from the beginning by adding liquid gradually as you would with risotto. I tried the technique and it's great, but in my opinion it takes too long, and the pasta ends up being a little too starchy (if you need a more professional opinion, then please know that Mark Ladner, executive chef of Del Posto restaurant in NY, said the same in the 2013 Winter issue of Lucky Peach.)

WON'T I RUIN THE SAUCE BY BASICALLY BOILING IT? This is an excellent question. Well played, my friend! Runnier sauces like marinara will be fine, but if you're cooking seafood or vegetables that should retain some "crunch", then yes, adding water and prolonging the cooking might ruin everything. In that case, put the condiment in another plate and let just enough juices in the pan to follow the process. Stir everything back together once the pasta is ready.

YEAH, BUT WHAT IF I'M USING PESTO? Thank you for paying attention, you culinary hawk! For all your recipes with an uncooked sauce, like pesto, you sauté the pasta in extra-virgin olive oil (1–3 tbsp depending on quantity) and add the pasta water little by little as explained above. When the pasta is cooked, transfer it to a warm bowl, add the sauce, stir, and serve. I found this oil-and-water technique in a cookbook by Allan Bay, unfortunately published only in Italian (by Feltrinelli). 

So, are you ready to try this? Let me know how it goes! 

*OK, I'm sure I'm not the only one who came up with this. If you cook pasta like this, please share!!!

**I get my whole-what pasta from Trader Joe's. It's organic, it's cheaper than many other supermarket brands, and it does a great job at staying al dente. Plus, it tastes like pasta, not like gritty cardboard, which I appreciate.

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Norman's Farm Market CSA!

I have wanted to join a CSA for a while now. The idea of paying up front for a weekly supply of local, fresh produce that forces me to learn new recipes and eat better always sounded fantastic to me. After all, my family loves vegetables, but we often rely on the same vegetables for the same dishes. And God knows how depressing frozen spinach and broccoli are in the summer. Also, the closest supermarkets here are Safeway (great if you are into flaccid cucumbers) or Whole Foods (great if you consider money issues distasteful). Takoma Park's farmers' market is great, but I always forget about it or end up spending $20 on peaches alone. I need the budget constraints and the commitment of a pre-paid CSA membership.

Norman's CSA - Week 1

After a lot of research and suggestions about CSA in the DC area from local users, I decided to try Norman's Farm Market CSA program. I joined for their 8-week Mid Season with a Large share that costs $210 (about $26 per week). There are jumbo and small shares, too. I was intrigued by their prices/quantities, the fact that the share included vegetables AND fruit, the inclusion of multiple local farms (more variety), and the convenience of various pickup locations and dates in case I miss the ones I chose.

Today was our first pickup at Norman's, and I am THRILLED with the experience. We brought home a heavy bag of amazing-looking fruit and vegetables, and our first lunch (pasta with zucchini and a tomato and cucumber salad) reminded us that vegetables really do have flavor. Really, it's like we've been just Skyping with zucchini for years.

People at the market were nice and helpful, my son had a blast, we supported local farmers, and there was nobody playing folk music as we made our picks. If that isn't a WIN, you have to tell me what is.

I'll keep you posted on the experience.



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